I was in depression in almost the full year of 2016 because of office politics. Yes, the reality proved I was too weak,too simple,and completely vulnerable.
I abandoned myself for the whole year.
I forgot to have meetup with others, forgot to makeup,forgot to make myself happy,forgot to travel,forgot to enjoy hot spring,forgot to call my parents far away from me and didn’t care what happened outside of the world for 365days.
Everyday I woke up very early with the fear of people in the office, and took the train to office, sat in the office for 8hours without speaking excepting the occasions I must speak.
Everyday, I was moving with the disabled body and broken heart, it must looked like a machine.
Then, the year was finally dropping to an end. I took a 10 day off and flew back to my hometown in China to celebrating the new year with the family.I tried to make myself looking happy or a year without happening anything in departure of Tokyo.
It took a day for moving from Tokyo to my hometown. When I arrived the downstairs of my house,it was very late in the night. Papa who I forgot to call him for a whole year rushed to see me and helped me carried the heavy luggage which full of gifts I bought for the whole family. That the only stuff I gave them for the whole year on half of their daughter.
When mum saw me at first sight, she worried so much about pimples on my face.She kept saying let’s go to see doctor tomorrow. I pretended to be nothing and took a shower and went to bed.
During the period spent with my parents, papa was keeping busy about making year-end salary closing with his workers. He kept himself in the room for making year-end consolidation and littered the floor with lots of wastepaper and lots of cigarette end. When I sighted the scene, my heart felt sad in deep. He talked little with me as I knew he was disappointed about my whole year without calling him much. Her beloved daughter was disappeared from his life in 2016.
One day, we had dinner in my aunt house. Papa received a call and he talked very angrily in the phone which was my first time to saw him in such anger.I got to know, it was also a difficult year for him. The father and daughter just hided the difficulties to their own.
Mum kept busying for cooking and buying clothes for me.
I didn’t talk much with them as playing computer all day long as I wanted to save back the whole wasted 2016 in 10 days.
The day back to Tokyo, the luggage was heavy to carry which filled with gifts from mum. The luggage was too small for her to packing,she liked to fill more and more.She gave me beautiful scarf and red pocket when I leaving the door.The young brother sent me to the station in his car. I couldn’t help crying in the backset.I tried to make no sound. The scene he sent me to the station last year was still very clear in my mind, he kept saying you must be back at least once in a year and you must be back in the new year. But this time, he was quiet.And I got to know he was seeing his sister who always acting very strong in front of him crying without sound. He was growing big enough to know people’s feelings now.
Yes 2017 it’s a new beginning. And I decide to hug and love myself more and more as I am the treasure for the whole family whoever I am and wherever I live.
Back to the same office, I am able to speak and laugh with whoever.
Yes, a girl who loves to laugh is back now after 10 days with the family .
Just as abandoned myself last year, I abandoned all bad memory about the office. And there is only appreciation left for it as it was a great lesson which making me really strong from inside in my life.
I can’t stop laugh all the time as there are so many people care me, love me, support me whatever I am, in depression or delight.
Dive to 2017!